Travails of a teetotaler.

What? You don’t drink??????!!!!!!!!

I have been faced with this question and when I reply with a No, the incredulity on the face of the questioner is simply priceless.

This question was repeatedly asked me during my UG days in Loyola as though being a Loyalite was a license to daily drunken orgies. It repeated itself when I did my MBA in the drinker’s paradise Pondichery, and now this question haunts me during every social get together related to my work. My colleagues and counterparts simply refuse to believe that someone could last 6 years in the BFSI space not to mention my educational history can be dry.

Frankly I don’t know what the big deal is all about. I remember once during school (I think) I had a sip of whisky from my dad’s glass during a family party and was simply revolted by the smell not to mention the drink itself that looked like the urine sample of somebody suffering an illness. That day I realized that something that smelt so bad was best avoided and so it has been done till today. No moral policing, parental trouble or any other baggage stops me from drinking; it is just a simple personal decision.

Now that brings me to the question, why do people drink? Invariably the answer is that it gives them a high.

But there are so many other highs in life we often neglect. The high of winning something against stiff competition, a job well done, party or time with friends, the thrill of doing something for the first time ever, the overcoming of one’s fear, a race well run, the list is endless. But just an intoxicant to get high somehow is not high enough because in all the other instances you are in control of yourself despite the euphoria, with drinks it is the opposite, often people loose control of everything and make a mockery of themselves.

But I must say that from my experiences that watching the effects of alcohol never fails to bring a smile on my face. You see all kinds of drinkers:

1) The first type are the fakers, they get high by the vapours that escape when you open the bottle. Be warned these people are very noisy and with a sniff will want you to believe that they are sloshed already.

2) The second type, the pukers are peculiar because they will have one drink and then proceed to puke their insides out and then go on to down several more. Thankfully they puke when fully conscious so that they can repair the damage done by themselves.

3) The third type are the freewheelers, they cannot stop drinking as long as the booze is free, even if they puke they will not do it in full view lest they loose more booze.

4) The fourth type are the sippers, they will stretch one drink for the entire evening either out of responsibilities or light pockets

5) The next type are the guzzlers, they just cannot stop drinking

6) The last type are the drivers, I am a part of this group we watch the fun and get loads of soft drinks and side dishes because we have the responsibility to drive all the other types home safe and sound.

What type are you?