Quo Vadis?

This is a picture of a gutter in a place called Annur near Coimbatore. This gutter brought back some strong memories and my eyes wandered to my ring finger. You would have heard the joke about marriage being a three ring game:  Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Suffe Ring. This post is about the second one and it is written after 10 years of it being on my finger.  There are two pieces of jewellery that are constantly on me both have a connection to special women in my life. The first is a cross on a chain that is a gift from my mother and the second is the wedding ring. I seldom take off both however this post is about the times when the ring tried to get away! Instance 1: This happened few years ago during a trip to Tuticorin. This was on a flight from Tuticorin after the inflight meal when the attendants were collecting the trash, the ring fell off into the trash bag. I did not notice and when I did I got frantic and called the air hostess. I asked to look ...

I am aware of two marriages of close friends in downward spirals and heading towards a point of no return. It pains to know that both marriages have similarities and differences and yet they are both in the same state. One was arranged the other was a love marriage but the primary difference did not matter much. I would like to share some takeaways from these weddings and what could have been better. 1.     Expect the unexpected and be prepared for not meeting expectations: Marriages go off the rails when the expectations are unmet. Usually the men go into the marriage with expectations that may be let’s say unreasonable and when these expectations are not met the cracks appear. While expectations may not be wrong in itself, they come with the challenge of being a two way street. Pause for a moment to acknowledge that the other partner also comes with his / her set of expectations and it is his / her right to feel short changed when the expectations are unfulfill...

There was this meme floating around Facebook some time ago, you know the one where a woman gets annoyed because the man was looking into his laptop and answering her questions.  Women take offense because – Men can’t multitask . Men apparently cannot hold a conversation when they fail to make eye contact and no the eyes were not trailing downward from the woman’s eyes they trail downward to the device on hand. The reason why men cannot hold a conversation – Men can’t multitask . I am not sure if women checked if the responses they got from the men was correct and suitable because they are conditioned to think that men cannot give the right response because – Men can’t multitask . I would like to think women enjoy riding pillion on bikes and the state of our roads ensures that they have an intimate ride usually. I would also like to think that these rides are interspersed with conversations or even sweet nothings. On a bike one is ahead and the other behind, one ini...

In case you missed it, it is Women’s day today. The day when businesses fall over each other with special offers for women, when the media honours women from every field many whom they may have never realized existed on 364 other days, when oh never mind, you would have got the picture by now. However well-intentioned it may be many of them are hollow and everyone seems to have an opinion either for or against the celebration. Personally I say, why not? It’s like a birthday, everyone has one and we celebrate that day even if we do not celebrate the person the other days and everyone is entitled to one more day of being celebrated. So let me first wish all the women a very Happy Women’s Day. Having done that I would like to expose one fallacy many hide behind, that men and women are equal; they are not, not always. There may be one more, men are superior to women, they are not, again not always. So if you wonder then “is the corollary right” and have expressions varying from de...

Too many unrelated any yet related incidents that happened this morning spurred this post. The first was the Metro Plus which had an account of people going to holiday spots for their weddings, the second was a talk show on radio that focussed on arranged and love marriages, the third and the final one was me giving a patient ear to a friend suffering in a broken marriage. Ask young women for a list of their favourite movies and “Alaipayuthe” will sneak into many lists. And the reasons are obvious, most movies end with the fairy tale ending of Happily Ever After and here is a movie that starts with the premise of the Happily Ever After and goes beyond. I have a wicked smile when I watch it with the better half and the unspoken words accompanied by the glare convey so much between us. Yes it is a movie to which people find they can relate to. Marriage then is far removed from the happily ever after aspirations, it is in fact a work in progress and a work that never gets com...

I had posted about this earlier and I mentioned that the colour of my hand will probably be in the hands of my daughter and so far she has not noticed it. But others tend to notice. The other day as I was taking a lift along with the family the lift operator kept looking at me. I did not realize its significance till he tells the wife “Akka, anna has got a nice hair style, I like it”. This was a first and even before I could flash a triumphant look at D came the rejoinder “avar style thala madhiri irukku” in case you missed that it translates to “his style looks like head”.   Well it translates that way but it means that the hairstyle looks like that of an actor who goes by the title of “thala”. I suppose that is enough said on the topic. But I do take offense just because I trail a decade or so in age to “thala” does not mean that I follow his style. I started greying when I was 18 years old. I am nevertheless very happy that a public figure is not shying away from flau...

She was getting ready for the wedding. It was a wedding of a distant relative so a lot of known people will be there and surely her close circle will not miss it. She looked at the clock, the visit to the parlour had not gone as planned again. She planned to just do one thing and then succumbing to the stylist she decided to do one more and now she was running late but one look at the mirror told her that it was worth the effort. Now she was rushing to get her clothes just right, the silk sari had come from the dry cleaners earlier, the blouse, the accessories, the jewellery all coordinated and arranged… She came out and saw him lounging on the sofa with a scowl on his face, one eye on the match and another on the clock. The fact that the match was live was adding another crease to the brow. She noticed that he had changed into a "Friday dressing" shirt and pant and was wearing loafers, the only concession to his work wear. She looked at him for a comment and when nothi...

Do you know when the act of marriage in a Christian wedding is completed? You may say when the thali is tied, or when the exchange of rings is completed or you may even think that when the groom kisses the bride. Sadly you missed the bus. In the excitement to catch the side shows that are done to satisfy the requirements of society and the people around the actual wedding gets lost and even the camera man and the parents do not notice. If you are puzzled and still wondering what I am talking about I suggest that next time pay attention when the priest who is officiating the wedding asks the bride and groom for consent, when they have said their consent with “I Do” or its variants the priest says “Since it is your …you may join your right hands…” and that ladies and gentlemen is the wedding rite. Whatever happens afterwards is part of the spectacle that we love to behold.  I like to wear a wedding band on my hand because it ensures parity between the spouses...