Quo Vadis?

#metoo should not have happened. It happened because finally women spoke up and yet they should not have been pushed to this. Our women have been subject to harassment of all kinds at all places and yet they soldier on. They do this because they are made of a tougher substance than the weak ones who attempt to harass them. Why do men harass women? I know that the safest excuse is the media and the movies, but movies reflect society. So without stepping into the chicken and egg conundrum let me say that children are moulded by their parents and by what they see their parents do. The other day when my father-in-law mouthed an expletive while travelling with the family it took me a lot of self-restraint not to react in the presence of my daughter but therein lies the danger. We do so many things not caring what the children in our family are seeing or hearing. Children growing up in homes where the father abuses or just disrespects the mother can never be expected to respect ...

I am aware of two marriages of close friends in downward spirals and heading towards a point of no return. It pains to know that both marriages have similarities and differences and yet they are both in the same state. One was arranged the other was a love marriage but the primary difference did not matter much. I would like to share some takeaways from these weddings and what could have been better. 1.     Expect the unexpected and be prepared for not meeting expectations: Marriages go off the rails when the expectations are unmet. Usually the men go into the marriage with expectations that may be let’s say unreasonable and when these expectations are not met the cracks appear. While expectations may not be wrong in itself, they come with the challenge of being a two way street. Pause for a moment to acknowledge that the other partner also comes with his / her set of expectations and it is his / her right to feel short changed when the expectations are unfulfill...

There was this meme floating around Facebook some time ago, you know the one where a woman gets annoyed because the man was looking into his laptop and answering her questions.  Women take offense because – Men can’t multitask . Men apparently cannot hold a conversation when they fail to make eye contact and no the eyes were not trailing downward from the woman’s eyes they trail downward to the device on hand. The reason why men cannot hold a conversation – Men can’t multitask . I am not sure if women checked if the responses they got from the men was correct and suitable because they are conditioned to think that men cannot give the right response because – Men can’t multitask . I would like to think women enjoy riding pillion on bikes and the state of our roads ensures that they have an intimate ride usually. I would also like to think that these rides are interspersed with conversations or even sweet nothings. On a bike one is ahead and the other behind, one ini...

It can be tough to be a woman in India but is it easier in many other places? I wonder. This post was inspired by another post by a blogger I like. The following is a set of random observations that collectively seek to answer one doubt: I know of  a man who at the young age of 18 was forced to become the man of his house, take up a job and take care of his mother and three sisters due to the untimely demise of his father. With just a class 12 he put his sisters through college and got them married. Today each of his sisters is well settled with their families and he married late and is blessed with two daughters. He has worked very hard and has put the elder daughter into a prestigious engineering college and his younger daughter may join her in a few years too. He has always been tied down by debt moving from one expense to another for all the weddings and all the responsibilities that he took on or rather was forced on him. The other day when I asked him why he chose...

In case you missed it, it is Women’s day today. The day when businesses fall over each other with special offers for women, when the media honours women from every field many whom they may have never realized existed on 364 other days, when oh never mind, you would have got the picture by now. However well-intentioned it may be many of them are hollow and everyone seems to have an opinion either for or against the celebration. Personally I say, why not? It’s like a birthday, everyone has one and we celebrate that day even if we do not celebrate the person the other days and everyone is entitled to one more day of being celebrated. So let me first wish all the women a very Happy Women’s Day. Having done that I would like to expose one fallacy many hide behind, that men and women are equal; they are not, not always. There may be one more, men are superior to women, they are not, again not always. So if you wonder then “is the corollary right” and have expressions varying from de...

I am a little puzzled with one video that went viral recently. You may have seen it and you may agree that it makes a good point, do not stare.  And yet the instances did not go along with the message, at least for me. Let us take for the discussion the tattoo. People have many reasons for a tattoo but somewhere down the line there is exhibitionism and where would exhibitionism be without voyeurism? Surely a man / woman would not always be mentally challenged like Sanjay Ramaswamy to remind himself of his wife / husband? Then the tattoo of the name of a loved one conveys the same message to an observer as a wedding band or a thali. Art work on the bodies have many explanations but all of them would be defeated if the tattoo was not visible. So what is the point of getting offended by someone staring at a tattoo? I remember reading somewhere that men are wired to look and stare at a woman and it is something that cannot be wished away. It can however be managed by good u...

She was getting ready for the wedding. It was a wedding of a distant relative so a lot of known people will be there and surely her close circle will not miss it. She looked at the clock, the visit to the parlour had not gone as planned again. She planned to just do one thing and then succumbing to the stylist she decided to do one more and now she was running late but one look at the mirror told her that it was worth the effort. Now she was rushing to get her clothes just right, the silk sari had come from the dry cleaners earlier, the blouse, the accessories, the jewellery all coordinated and arranged… She came out and saw him lounging on the sofa with a scowl on his face, one eye on the match and another on the clock. The fact that the match was live was adding another crease to the brow. She noticed that he had changed into a "Friday dressing" shirt and pant and was wearing loafers, the only concession to his work wear. She looked at him for a comment and when nothi...

Do you know when the act of marriage in a Christian wedding is completed? You may say when the thali is tied, or when the exchange of rings is completed or you may even think that when the groom kisses the bride. Sadly you missed the bus. In the excitement to catch the side shows that are done to satisfy the requirements of society and the people around the actual wedding gets lost and even the camera man and the parents do not notice. If you are puzzled and still wondering what I am talking about I suggest that next time pay attention when the priest who is officiating the wedding asks the bride and groom for consent, when they have said their consent with “I Do” or its variants the priest says “Since it is your …you may join your right hands…” and that ladies and gentlemen is the wedding rite. Whatever happens afterwards is part of the spectacle that we love to behold.  I like to wear a wedding band on my hand because it ensures parity between the spouses...

This post is inspired by the CBC. To clarify this is an expansion of a comment I had posted to a query on why people look for arranged marriages. While the stream of comments moved the focus away from the initial question there were some strong opinions for both sides and even some who chose the third option of simply single. As mentioned earlier this post is to expand my point and so read on… (Disclaimer: What follows below are my hypotheses from observations and discussions. You are free to agree or disagree, to prove or to disprove as you please.) The rule of nature is that like poles repel and unlike poles attract for magnets. In life also it may be true. Marriage works well when it becomes a supplementary union rather than a complementary union. If I am not very clear let me explain, two vanilla ice cream lovers go to an ice cream shop, you would expect one or two vanilla ice creams to be consumed by them.   This is a complementary union according to me.   No...

Reading about a father who has killed his daughter for the sake of honour made me wince. I paused and looked at my daughter and wonder if honour is worth so much. Will this honour be the same if the daughter was not one of many other children including one or more boys? Will a father react if the daughter was the apple of his eye? Many questions for which reason and common sense may not provide satisfactory answers. I stumbled upon a beautiful piece on mothers and daughters on Facebook, I know that my daughter and her mother would be blessed if the things mentioned would happen but to make anything happen there has to be love.  In the fight for honour, love has been shown the door. I am sure that there are a set of things to do as a father of a daughter but surely in these days there should be a set of things not to do for some misguided parents. I simply fail to understand how honour is maintained by killing the daughter. And what is honour? Honour in isolation is ...

                              “The nation needs to know…” it seems from the expectations for the sentencing of the convicted rapists. My aunt Whatsapps from Delhi to find out about the judgement because her cable was down!!! The Nirbhaya incident has taken more than its share of the media space for several reasons but the collective outpouring of anger and grief seems to be a little misplaced at least to me. I am not for a moment saying that this incident did not deserve this outrage but I am disappointed that only this incident has got it. On a talk show a social activist said that over 90000 cases of rape are pending in court some for many years. Despite this outrage incidents of rape have not reduced or stopped and it does not like stopping either. The reasons are varied and cannot be summarized so easily but the point remain...