Thursday, January 31, 2008

Fair play!

Read the name of the post. No, I'm not talking about the cricket series Down Under! Just watch these incredibly funny videos!

There are still more that haunt the TV channels with monotonous regularity. Same story, dark woman is a failure for every job description from airhostess, waitress, model, dancer, to an operations staff of Neel Metal Fanalca, because frankly her skin is not pale enough.

It is ironical that the pale skins fall over every patch of sunny ground to get darker while we go for these.

But the bigger question remains, Who are these ads targetted at? We don't have any blondes here....

PS: Neel Metal Fanalca haS recently taken over the garbage removal operations in many zones in Chennai

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I feel for those children who perished in the fire yesterday. This was breaking news yesterday with every news channel falling over them selves trying to bring the grief directly to you. I did hear one NJ (I’m calling them news jockey; they are no different from a VJ are they?) say that the people were discussing ways to see how this avoidable tragedy occurred.

Sadly when I was searching for the same news article, I found it relegated to insignificance with Bajjis’s 50% match fee deduction being the headliner. Anyway a cursory glance at the reports tell you that 11 kids aged little more than 8 years were packed into one Maruthi Omni ( they were not getting into any book of records mind you) for their homeward journey. What should have been routine ended up in flames due to whatever reasons that may evolve. My question is “Why treat kids thus?” This is not an isolated instance, every day I see kids packed into vehicles that are precarious driven by drivers rushing to and from schools. The scene looks very scary when you see the vehicle in question is often an autorickshaw. I have seen a dozen kids squeezed into the auto, sitting on the seat, a plank that is squeezed before the seat, the hand rails and beside the driver. Their schoolbags, lunch bags and water bottles hang outside from hooks fixed at vantage positions designed to hit every passing motorist.

Why do parents become so callous about the well being of their children? Why cut costs for their children’s welfare? There is another dangerous angle to these modes of transport, children are placed in the care of such drivers and they ride in such close physical proximity to the drivers to school. I have personally seen small girls sitting on either side of an auto driver on their way to school. Maybe the drivers take good care of their wards, but statistics show that children suffer abuse from known people. A casual touch starts nightmares for these innocent angels. November 19th seems so far away and becomes just another day in the calendar; an occasion for VIP’s and Page 3 types to do their social posturing and nothing else.

When will parents realize that by the time they react it is too late?

PS. Nov 19th is world prevention of child abuse day.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Lift me up!

Would it not be wonderful if we could just go up in life with the mere press of a button? You may have seen the Close Encounters series and so many movies that have expounded time travel but till date I don’t know if any one has imagined a device that can take you up or down in life with the flick of a switch. (Going by the news, the stock market is a good option) That would make many social upliftment agencies jobless.

To all the whiz kids out there here is the challenge try making something that will change the social status of people in a jiffy. Till then the nearest invention to take people up or down is the humble elevator.

Call it life if you please but the elevator is one sure fire way to get a paunch if you use it every time. Nothing beats a brisk walk up or down the stairs, just switch on DD Sports in the morning where an instructor would be extolling the virtues of step exercises every other day. But the bottom line is take the stairs every day it may be the only exercise you do.

Why this post on elevators?
(Choose the best answer from all the below mentioned true probabilities)
1) I take the elevator to go up everyday (I walk down each time for obvious reasons, don’t I practice what I preach at least 50 %?) to office. This lift has the jerkiest journey for the short journey of two floors. It jumps and drops before coming to a halt and sometimes I wonder if it could be traded off for one of the rides in MGM Dizzee World (note that they choose to call the place dizzy). I fear to ride it on a bad tummy day.

2) In one of my earlier jobs the lift dropped from 4 floors above and landed with a resounding crash on the dampener springs in the basement. Luckily the occupants were tightly packed like sardines and they came out unhurt. I generally enter lifts with a little trepidation. Give me an escalator anytime, like the TVS 50 if the petrol dries up you can at least cycle to your destination.

3) I visit the HO of the PSU banks every other day, there you will see one lift for the top management to travel in exclusivity while mere mortals like me and other clients have to wait for the normal lifts. Somebody forgot to tell these banks that “The customer is King”
The innumerable songs, fights, romantic interludes and whatever have you that are shot always in conveniently large lifts where one good looking hero finds himself with a glamorous babe a power cut happens and …… They have enough space to even do a little salsa if the dances master so desires. Of course producer willing you will have a dream sequence in some foreign locale but that is as far away from the subject as I am currently.

4) A wonderful ad by Vodafone which if you have not seen till date, is a must watch.

(The answer is a no-brainer)

PS: Such things happen only in ads and movies while poor me while traveling in a lift will be sandwiched between other poor souls like me in all shapes, sizes and smells that a power failure will be something I would not wish on anyone maybe on those morons who spit at every instance. Pity I never met D in a lift, even more pity I did not meet any hot babe before D. ; )

Monday, January 14, 2008

Painful politicians

I hate Mr. Bad Man of Gujarat. I have no political leanings but you don’t need to make your decision just from the mudslinging by assorted political goons who are no lesser devils. I hate him for all the hardship he has been a cause of. Till date my dislike for him was nurtured and grown by the many new channels which tend to glorify crime for want of eyeballs. For them he is an angel and a devil. If you are still wondering who, this person has no “modi”cum of brotherhood of mankind in him. To the nay-sayers there can be no smoke without fire and the raging fires in Gujarat should be testimony enough.
But why this sudden hate mail today?

He chooses to pay a visit to Chennai on a Monday morning to keep a lunch date with Amma (not the god man kind, though her sycophants have deified the lady of the two leaves ages ago) today. What do you get? Kilometers of choked traffic: to ensure our “good” man gets to break bread on time. What he chooses to conveniently forget like many other VIPs(not velai illa paiyan * however appropriate it may sound) is that they delay many breadwinners from reaching their workplace on time sometimes causing a loss of pay for the poor citizens. It is sad that the public servants who became important because of the voters don’t even spare a thought for the voter after the election is over. If these two wonderful souls must have their Pongal lunch then why not have it on Pongal day when the rest of the state enjoys a holiday invariably in the confines of their homes, not to mention giving a respite to the poor cops who by virtue of doing security service duties have become ordinary watchmen.

Today I was stuck in traffic for the better part of an hour, thankfully I did not have a prior appointment else I would have had the ignominy of having to apologize for my tardiness. But the famous lunch date also increased my resolve to stick to my resolution for some years to come – to avoid personal transport whenever possible and use the public transport. Actually the Nano launch scared me into it initially but I have found that by actually planning well I can get to my destinations comfortably, on time, with lesser pollution at a much lesser cost and a very stable blood pressure. The additional spin off is that I get to shift my lazy posterior around on foot. It has been ages since I last walked anywhere, now I have been walking up and down the railway stairs, walking to and from the station or the bus stand and generally doing myself a world of good.

Try it, you may do good to yourself and the world too. As for he man himself, given a chance don’t vote for him.

* jobless fellow

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Tagged again!

Thanks Bungi for a chance to look behind at the year gone by...

1. What did I learn?

He makes all things beautiful in His time…

That growing up is not so bad after all

Life fits you into the roles that are expected of you even if you think you are not ready for it.

2. What did I accomplish?

Workwise: Have shifted 3 jobs in one year, whereas for the past 5 years I managed to hop only once!

Personally: I wooed and won the hand of D, not before the fights and heartburns and everything else from both parents

3. What would I have done differently?

Probably a little more self discipline in myself as sometimes, I just let go.

4. What did I complete or release?

I completed my bachelorhood. I was gracefully released from the youth fellowship as the byelaws say that you are a youth till 30, even 35 but you should be single!!!

5. What were the most significant events of the year past?

My wedding, a superb honeymoon, my bro’s wedding, my job hopping, our concert….

6.What did I do right?

I followed my heart

7. What were the fun things I did?

Long drives with Dave, hanging out with friends new and old, blogging, social networking (Orkut & Facebook), checking out every newly opened restaurant….

8. What were my biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?

Insecurities - mine and that of people around me.

Parental pressures (now I have double)

Pain in the _ _ _ boss(es) (I saw a few this year)


Bad drivers

9. How am I different this year than last?

I’m no more an eligible bachelor. I have aged. I now feel old!!!!

10. For what am I particularly grateful?

My life, D, my family, all the countless blessings and miracles that I receive each waking day

I tag all those who have commented on my previous post!

Friday, January 11, 2008

It's a _ _ _'s life!

Did the cartoon bring a smile to your face? In real life you would shudder. I simply cannot understand the mystery of the exploding bladders of some men who look for the nearest wall, lamp post, bush, tree in short anything that is immobile and promptly piss on it.

I have seen people writing “Only dogs urinate here” in a vain attempt to keep their places piss free, vain because 1) Dogs cannot read generally 2) Those dogs who can read, simply ignore. Melissa (our pet) has better toilet manners than many of the men I see around me and it makes me hang my head in shame each time I see one of these characters.

It is so difficult to find a clean place to park my car nowadays as in a matter of seconds the space behind the car is the newest public convenience of the area. Why cant men hold on till they find a real public convenience nearby or better still reach their home or workplace and relieve themselves hygienically? It’s not such a Herculean task is it?

If there is something that pisses me off (can’t get rid of the piss can we?) is to see clean walls having blotches of red courtesy some mindless morons spitting on them. For heaven’s sake these walls are part of a home or a workplace or even a place of worship, why deface them so mindlessly? It is sad to know that pictures of Gods are now used to protect walls from being defaced. Unfortunately very often these Gods are fighting a lost cause. Another big fear nowadays is to stand beside a parked MTC bus as in a few seconds you will get assaulted by "spit"fires. I remember the comedian Vivek wisecracking in a movie that he became fair because a northie guy (no offense intended)spat pan on him.

I often wonder why all these happen? Watching Melissa I got the answer. Melissa was toilet trained by us when she was a little pup. Pity none of these dogs were brought up the right way.

PS. I have liberally used the term dog though I know that Melissa will take offense. Sorry Melissa, but then you are more than a dog.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year 2008 Graphics

New Year 2008 Glitter Graphics

Hi all! Best wishes for a happy new year!

Ways to celebrate New Year eve:-

1) Do something absolutely silly like this and spend the new year behind bars (hope those morons don’t get away with this)
2) Blow up a lot of money and party the night away in the innumerable hotels organizing a new year bash, if you get a dip in the pool just accept it as an extra thrown in by the organizers. For a minimum of 3K you and your partner will get unlimited spirits and short eats, the upper limit stretches with your imagination
3) Those looking for spirits of a higher variety (generally free, unless you are Mr. Moneybags where a special ticket will get you a close encounter, or you are a VIP where mere mortals are cast aside for your visit) can join the thousands flocking to the places of worship
4) You could be selling balloons like a cute kid I saw, who was hawking balloons to much older people late in the evening, new year eve means more business
5) You could go around screaming at the top of your voice on foot, bikes or car (if you can afford it ) throwing paper, water, ink, paint and whatever you may find on every unsuspecting individual around, taking special care that the women don’t escape from your “wishes”.
6) You could jump aboard the late night public transport buses bang the sides, scream, sing and generally make a nuisance of yourself
7) You could wait on tables at Marrybrown (they were open till 5 AM) or even better get into the silly costume of a bear / fox whatever and make a fool of yourself trying to entertain the late crowd
8) You could blow up, actually burn up a lot of money by setting the sky ablaze with the latest firecrackers or spoil the sleep of all around by setting off some bombs (not the RDX type!)
9) You could go to the beach, park or any other public space make a general nuisance of yourself (again) completely trash the place and have a blast
10) You could sit in front of the idiot box and watch the same programme in different channels till you can repeat it verbatim even if you are woken up from a slumber
11) You could send forwards of emails or SMS to all in your address book simply because you do not have the brains to write your own
12) You could work on the night shift in your job, maybe a BPO professional, maybe a medico, maybe a cop, maybe …

Did I miss out anything? Do tell me so that I can plan ahead for 2009.

PS: Came upon this and I think this will be my plan for 2009.