Friday, February 07, 2014

I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse...

“Why do we shout when we are angry with someone even if the person is next to us? It is because when we are angry to tend to go far away from the other person even if they are standing next to us” - I remember reading this gem somewhere. Usually threats are made with a loud voice unless of course you are Don Corleone who is a reasonable man and whose threats are subtle.

The point of this post is to show that arguments can be very costly and unless they are handled well can cause a lot of pain in the long run for either parties in the argument. One common type of argument is the marital one which though looks like the usual lovers tiff can get uglier because here the argument is inside the ring, the wedding ring that is.

Arguments tend to go wrong when it ends as a win lose resolution. An argument can be a profitable one if it ensures that both sides win. I would like to share a cheat code with examples to the husbands to handle some usual arguments effectively with a win-win outcome.

Instance 1:
W: dear, we have to go for the wedding of the once removed, twice disowned, distant neighbour’s son of my parents next week
H: who?
W: you remember, them, they came to our wedding…
H: but I do hardly know them, must we go?
W: it is the same thing every time, when there is a function from my parent’s side, you seldom come. Do you not remember that I came for that wedding two years ago of…
H: But he was from my bike gang…
W: So, I came for his wedding, so WE ARE GOING for this wedding..
< lot of exchanges, and sometimes the deal breaker, a little tears (either party) later>
H: (sigh) ok, so when is the wedding again.

Instance 1 (the cheat code):
W: dear, we have to go for the wedding of the once removed, twice disowned, distant neighbour’s son of my parents next week
H: who?
W: you remember them, they came to our wedding…
H: oh them! Surely let us go.
W: It is in … and we can take my parents along,
H: No problem, I don’t think I have any meetings next week, we can take your parents also in our car so when is it again?
W: It is next Monday
H: Monday? Oh no! I think I have a meeting on Monday, let me check my diary again… I am very sorry dear, I have a meeting, but I will join you as soon as the meeting is over. You can go with your parents and I will join you as soon as the meeting is over, hopefully before dinner.
W: Are you sure?
H: Positive, I will come as soon as the meeting is over. I just hope that it ends in time though, last time a meeting got over late and I was very hungry when I reached home. If it gets delayed hopefully I will get food at the wedding when I reach
W: If it gets late you have dinner near office, we will take a cab.
H: I will definitely come dear; this is just a backup plan
W: Don’t worry, you finish your meeting, if it gets over early, you can come  otherwise we will manage.

Obviously a cheat code will require more work and a cool head however the argument will more often than not move in the favour of the husband. The important components of the cheat code
  • -      Say YES, even if you need to say NO
  • -      Paraphrase the words of the other half and use it to confirm the message
  • -      Agree to the point and then search for the escape clause
  • -      Make the escape clause appear difficult
  • -      When the level of difficulty is clearly expressed seek sympathy for the same
  • -      Close the argument ONLY when both sides are winning

P.S. Let me know if it works, I will try it at home…


Anonymous said...

Actually this might work. But if you are with some weird friends who click pictures and put it in facebook tagging you.. then you are in soup :)

Sivaranjini Balasubramanian said...

As a Girl I would say: "That is so unfair. You're a liar" :/

But, as a Law student I would say: "Well done, the power of words have been used as a weapon to overcome any unfortunate arguments." :D

Ganesh Puttu said...

unfortunately this kind of cheat code- doesn't come instantly to mind when needed....but if it does to you- hats off